On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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