Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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