Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
