Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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