You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
