As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
