Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
