I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
