hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
