does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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