I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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