Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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