She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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