Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
