The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize