Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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