How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
