OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize