2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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