talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
