I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
