Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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