you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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