i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
