Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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