miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
