Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
