I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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