My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
tell me about the fingering
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