dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
