First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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