This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
