I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
