you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
