cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
