I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
