I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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