mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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