i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
