dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
