I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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