I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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