Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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