My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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