Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
