Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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