found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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