he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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