I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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