i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think I am morally bankrupt
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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