the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
