before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
