Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
