You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
