dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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