cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
