ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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