He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
