$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize