she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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