I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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